still starting out

I swam today for my excercise. For 26 years I have been swimming laps. Miles and miles of laps. I swim a mile at least two times a week. It used to be 3 times a week, but now I do the elliptical machine at least once a week. I call it the "sweatomatic" Swimming doesn't hurt me like other exercise sometimes does. I walk also. And sometimes bike. Every day at least 30 minutes of something. It gets to be like brushing your teeth. You wouldn't think of not doing it. I am afraid of getting fat. My mother is plump. It is bad enough to get old and see the rot set in. I just don't want to be out of shape. After surgery, I was so afraid of losing all my stamina and strength. And I did!!! It took a long time to get back. I was supposed to walk after my spine surgery. It was July and August- a heat wave. I would fall asleep outside on the daybed or swing on the porch and wake up to a sweat outline of me on the fabric. I had to take pain pills, but I was so afraid I would get addicted. So I would take little nibbles off of the pill. I think it helped. A fentanyl pain patch was also prescribed. It worked like a charm, but I was afraid that I would get addicted so I took it off. No gradual things for me!! I had withdrawal symtoms. The whole thing was so frightening. I was so afraid of not being in control. And I wasn't. I wasn't in control of anything. I'm still trying to settle the thought in my mind that we can lose control of our life so easily. It can happen so quickly- like with my husband's accident. And like my dog's epilepsy. I couldn't control that no matter how much I wanted to do so. Control is a big issue with me. Is it with all people?