starting out

I never even read a blog until today. My good friend Marsha sent me a link to an Iraqi girl's blog. It was moving, although I thought- is this propaganda? Then I thought, "Hey, what excellent therapy for a nervous wreck like me." You write how you feel and what you think. I've kept a diary since I was 11 years old. I have them all in a safe at home with a note on top saying that they go to my daughter, who is 27. I still write every night, but this is new-and I never will run out of ink. Out of battery maybe, but not ink. I have a son who is 35. He lives in Seattle, so I don't get to see him very often. He gave me a camera for my laptop so that we can look at each other and talk on instant messenger. My children and I are very close. I talk to my daughter who lives in the same town every day, about 5 times a day. We are best friends. I talk to my son almost every day- sometimes twice a day. He is married, but my daughter is not. She has a steady guy though now going to law school out of state. She is a lawyer. My husband is a doctor. He is not working now. On March 1 he was in a bicycle accident and had a head injury. He is doing very well now, but won't work again. The whole change thing was difficult for him and me. I worry that we will not have enough money to live on in our old age all the time. I just don't trust in much of anything. My dog is a rescued Rottweiler. This is my second Rottweiler. The first one had terrible epilepsy and finally I euthanised her. it was so horrible that I felt like a murderer and sought psychiatric help. I still cry when I think of her. She suffered so with the seizures and nothing could control them. Now this dog is like my black furry child also. When I got her, she was so think and sick and afraid. Now she is spoiled and happy. However, she has had a checkered medical history. She has Addison's disease, which means that her Adrenal glands have failed. Every month she gets an injection that costs 150.00. I thank God that we can afford it because I do love her so. Bella has had two other surgeries this year. She had a blocked bladder from struvite stones and had an emergency surgery. Then she had a small cancer on her neck. It was a low grade malignancy, so I'm hoping for the best. I should have said- Last year. This is only January, and I'm hoping it will be better than last year. . I also had surgery last year. I had a ruptured disc in my spine. Then I didn't get any better after surgery. The pain was so bad that I wanted to die. I've had an intestinal obstruction and I think this was worse. It was worse than natural childbirth too. I am also being sued- but that is a long story not for this entry. I was a homeowners president for five years and a vindictive homeowner is out to, in his words, "make me wish I'd never been born." I obsess about this, although I try not to. I live on 15 acres on top of a hill. It is beautiful and so peaceful. I thank God for my home. The house isn't a big mansion, but everyone who comes in says that it is so warm and cozy. That is what I want in all my life. That is what I want for my children and my husband and my dog and for all of you. Warmth and happiness.